Final Fantasy takes a trip on Jerry Springer
by Yuffie Valentine
Summary: Marco LeonStrife and Yuffie Valentine team up to bring you a fic that is only a joke and a humor. But it is pretty damn funny.


Final Fantasy takes a trip on Jerry Springer

By Marco LeonStrife and Yuffie Valentine

Okay, Yuffie V. here, this is a started out as Marco and I just messing around on chat and turned into the work below. Anyways, it is made for HUMOR, not to be taken for real. So read and enjoy.

On the set of the Jerry Springer Show.....

:: We see Cloud sitting down:: 

Jerry: TODAY A SHOCKING EPISODE!

Jerry: We have Cloud, a guy. Supposedly...Little does everyone know...CLOUDS SECRET!

First, we have...TIFA! Come on out Tifa

Cloud: Er...Hi...Tifa...

Tifa: What is this secret you are hiding, are you wearing my underwear again

Cloud: That too... 

Tifa: Don't tell me you ate some more hair gel

Jerry: So, you're Cloud's wife, Tifa...How many kids do you have? 

Tifa: We have two Certra and Bob

Jerry: Ah...I see...Well Tifa...Cloud is having an affair with..................YUFFIE! COME ON OUT YUFFIE! 

::: Yuffie comes out in a little dress with big heels and fake nails, as all Jerry quests do::: Yuffie: Hey Cloudy baby

Tifa: WHAT? CLOUD IS THIS TRUE?

:: Cloud smooches Yuffie:: Hey honey! Sorry Tifa. I can't reach you because of your two best friends. It's really frustrating. But Since Yuffie's flat as a checkerboard I need not worry! 

Tifa: Best friends??!! Grrr ***Tackles Cloud and starts to beat him up*** Yuffie: Check board *****starts kicking Cloud in the rips***

Jerry: Wow...Those girls are hot. Fight girls fight! 

***Yuffie stops the beating *** Yuffie: I have to tell you something Cloud, I am..........

Sephiroth's ho!

Jerry: Now, Sephiroth come on out here! 

Cloud: YUFFIE HOW COULD YOU? 

Yuffie: Cause he has black materia, what do you have?

::Sephiroth smooches Yuffie:: Seph: Hey Honey. Even though you're my daughter who says we cant have a successful relationship? 

Cloud: Um...I have Float and choco mog! 

Yuffie: You aren't my dad; you only play it in a fanfic

Tifa: Get over it Cloud, Choco Mog Sucks!

Seph: YES! SCORE! 

Yuffie: My Sephy is so smart ***jumps in Sephy's arms***

::Sephiroth makes out with her::

Jerry: Next...We have someone else..,

Jerry: This is the most shocking part...

Jerry: This is so shocking! 

Tifa: I have to come clean first Jerry

Jerry: This is so unbelievable! Oh, yes Tifa? 

Tifa: The kids aren't Cloud's!!!!!

Audience: GASP! 

TIfa: The belong to my lover Zell!!!!!!

::Zell runs out:: Zell: Hi Tifa honey. 

Yuffie: I knew it; they cussed too much for 3 years olds to be Clouds!

Tifa: Zell Sugar!

Zell: I have a confession Tifa... 

Yuffie: This going to be good.

Tifa: What?

Zell: Well...You see...I'm secretly seeing...YUFFIE VALENTINE! 

Jerry: COME ON OUT YUFFIE VALENTINE! 

****Yuffie V comes out with Irvine on one arm, Vincent one the other**Yuffie V: HI!!!!

Audience: GASP! 

Yuffie: You stole my name!

Tifa: WHAT? DITCHED FOR TWO YUFFIES? 

Yuffie: Yep, us Wutia girls know how to do it best!

Tifa: BUT I HAVE MORE CHEST THAN ALL OF YOU COMBINED! 

Tifa: Argh, this is worse then the time Aeris was having an affair with Maro LeonStrife

Yuffie V: B cups 4 ever damn it!

Jerry: Funny you should mention Marco LeonStrife now he's coming out! 

::Marco walks out and the audience cheers:: 

Both Yuffies:GASP!

Marco: Hi Yuffie's. ::He smiles seductively at them:: 

Yuffie V: Hi! Long time no see! Yuffie: Hi Marco!

Cloud: He got Aeris? No fair!

Marco: Yes. Aeris is a wonderful babe...But we broke up because of.........QUISTIS! 

::Quistis walks out::

Quistis: HI baby! :::Whips Marco:::: Jerry: Oh, She is kinky!

Marco: OUCH! I NEED A BANDAID! ::Sobs:: MOMMY! I WANT MY MOMMY! 

Jerry: Speaking of your Mommy...We're coming to that now...CID 

Jerry: Cid come on out! 

Everyone on stage: CID?

::Cid walks out:::

Cid:Where is my *&%$ tea!?

::Cloud giggles and hands him a cup:: 

Jerry: Everyone...Bad news! Cloud is really........

Yuffie V.: Oh my god Cloud is gay!

Jerry: No, I'm afraid not. Cloud isn't gay.. 

Yuffie: Ewwww, and to think I slept with him.

Tifa: He is a woman?

Jerry: DING DING DING! YOU'VE ONE A NEW CAR, TIFA! 

:::Both Yuffie's get sick and puke:::::

Cloud: Its true! That's why I looked so nice in the dress! 

Jerry: So Marco...CLOUD IS YOUR MOTHER AND CID IS YOUR FATHER! 

Sephy: Damn, I hate myself, I never beat up women, and I did it without knowing

Marco: What? ::Sobs:: 

Marco: THAT'S HORRIBLE! 

::Cloud goes to hug Marco and Marco flinches::

Tifa: GROSS!!!!!

Aeris's Ghost: OH MY GOD!

Barret: YES! NOW I CAN MARRY HIM FOO! 

Barret: Er...her

Yuffie V.: Why, he was the cutest! Vincent and Irvine: HEY! Yuffie V: Besides you two!

Tifa:Barret? Dear god this just gets too much!

Marco: I'm so confused...

Cait Sith: I'm pregnant with Yuffie's Child!

Jerry: Oh come on Tifa, isn't there something you want to tell us all?

Yuffie: what no way in hell

Tifa: Okay Okay, Me and Aeris were lovers ****everyone gasps****

Marco: ACK! Was this before mine and Aeris; relationship or after it? 

::Marco sobs;: 

Tifa: During the relationship and after

Yuffie: that cat ain't have no one's kid, it's a damn toy

Cait Sith: Sorry. High on Bumblebee tuna. 

Marco: AERIS? HOW COULD YOU? 

Ghost Aeris: Cause Cloud never loved either of us, it was always Yuffie and Cid

: Red XII: Cloud, get your hands off my man!!!

Cloud: Actually I don't love Yuffie. 

Yuffie: That's not what you were moaning that night at Cosmos Canyon

: Cloud: Its always been Cid, and Gwen the Gold Chocobo

Cloud: Yuffie, I was also high on bumblebee tuna

Yuffie V.: Sure blame the tuna and leave Gwen out of this!

Jerry: Does anyone care that Red XII is in love with Cid and he is also a drag queen?

Rufus: HEY! Gwen is my woman! After I killed her, then I humped her brains out. Dead Chocobos turn me on

: Yuffie: Um...Who's the drag queen?

Yuffie V: GWEN NO! !!!!!!!!!!!!

Tifa: You bastard!

Rufus: Hey, she's dead and can't complain. Aw, poor YV has to save up gil to get a new gold chocobo. Is the lil bitchy bitch gonna cry? 

Marco: HEY! SHES NICE! 

::::Yuffies attack Rufus:::::

Marco: Shall I kill him or will you? 

Yuffie: Go for the eyes!

::::Rufus dead::::

Rufus: I'm President of Shinra! You cant hurt me! Urkkkkkkk..

Yuffies: Yes we can!

Christi: GAWD THIS FIC SUCKS MEGA ASS! IM GONNA REVIEW IT NEGATIVELY LIKE THE MEGA BITCH I AM! 

Yuffie: It's Her.......oh no!!!!!!

Yuffie V: No we must defeat her before she gets to the review box!

::Christi is about to press review, but Marco slices off her head using a piece of stale garlic bread:: 

Yuffie V: That was a waste of good garlic bread!

Marco: YES! YES! YES! THE EVIL ONE WHO IS WORSE THAN RINOA EVEN IS GONE! 

:::;Everyone dances around:::::

Marco: PARTY AT MY PLACE! I GOT THE root BEER! 

Marco: I TRULY DO LOVE ROOT BEER! 

****Everyone goes to Marco's for party***

Marco: Now um...But not Cloud! ::The Bouncers bounce Cloud::

::Suddenly...RINOA SHOWS UP!::

Rinoa: EVERYONE MUST DIE! I DONT END UP WITH SQUALL IN THIS FANFIC! 

Quistis: Gee, that bitch ruins everything.

Yuffie: No kidding

Rinoa: Ok...First to die...VINCENT! ::She shoots Vincent:: 

Rinoa: MUHAHAHAHAHA! Next up...IRVINE! 

: Yuffie V: VINNIE NO! ***Jumps on Rinoa and bites her head off***

Rinoa: And then you Yuffie Valentine! 

Rinoa: Ugh....::She slumps to the ground:: 

Marco: YES! Two women dead in one day that we can't stand! 

: ****Yuffie brings back Vincent****

Marco: Yeaaaaaaaa...::Angelo goes and urinates on Yuffie Valentine:: 

Vincent: What a bitch ***Kills dog***

Marco: It's a guy actually. 

Vincent: I don't care

And so ends something that made no sense at all. But it was sure fun writing it.

By Marco LeonStrife and Yuffie Valentine.


End file.
